I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
