I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
