Tell her she can't have a vagina
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
