just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
