Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
