i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
