You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
