How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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