they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
