I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
