: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
