Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
