It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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