mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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