she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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