the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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