so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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