whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
