My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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