dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
