I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
