I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
