I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
MIDGETS
????
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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