How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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