I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
