so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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