Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
