i think my tv is drunk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
