I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
smell my finger.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
