bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
