i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
