At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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