Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Randomize
