haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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