the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
