The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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