I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
