I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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