There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
