it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
