Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
