this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
