I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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