I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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