Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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