Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When are your genitals available?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
