I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
