you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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