My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
