I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
