Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
