Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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