I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
