I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
