I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
