why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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