Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
